


The Sea Between Us

by lupus



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek has a lot of issues ok, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Past Derek/Kate, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:07:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lupus/pseuds/lupus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s always Stiles rubbing off against Derek, or Derek’s hands or mouth on Stiles. But as soon as Stiles goes to reciprocate, Derek halts any forward movement in that arena. And Stiles doesn't understand why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sea Between Us

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from an amazing song by Snow Patrol called "If There's a Rocket Tie Me To It"  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l96lw9udxvk  
> Listen to it cause it's amazing okay.  
>  **This is unbetaed, please let me know if you come across anything I've missed in proofreading/editing**

It's always Derek touching him, never the opposite way around. Never, as in Stiles had yet to see Derek more than shirtless with boxers on and Derek had seen him in all his glory. It’s always Stiles rubbing off against Derek, or Derek’s hands or mouth on Stiles. But as soon as Stiles goes to reciprocate, Derek halts any forward movement in that arena. And Stiles doesn’t understand why. Stiles _knows_ Derek likes it, if his raging hard on anytime they do this…whatever it is, is any indication. Normally Derek dips afterwards, out of his bedroom window, out of the back of the jeep, though sometimes at night he stays and holds Stiles close, breathing him in. Look, it's free orgasms and sometimes cuddling and Stiles is totally not complaining. But it  _would_ be nice to return the favor once and a while.

 

Once, when Stiles got the balls, he asked “Why?” when Derek once again rejected his sexual advances. Derek only replied with a “I can’t, I’m not ready.” But, not ready for _what_. For Stiles to touch him?

 

Stiles doesn’t get it. Derek initiated their first kiss. He’d initiated all the sexual stuff (with Stiles fully consenting of course), but never once had Derek come in his presence, not even by accident. If Derek didn’t want this, why did he even start it? Was it some weird wolf instinct shit that was making him do it? Did Derek just not want him, as in specifically Stiles, to touch him? Maybe he was having a gay freak-out identity crisis. Stiles didn’t know what it was, but really, it kind of hurt. A lot.

 

* * *

 

Derek could see that he was making Stiles upset with his actions. He could _smell_ the sadness, disappointment, and rejection that wafts off of Stiles in his afterglow when Derek won’t let him reciprocate. And, _god_ , anyone would _kill_ to have someone like that, like Stiles, in their bed. Someone that doesn’t just worry about their own pleasure, but their partner’s, too.

 

He wanted Stiles to make him feel good, _so bad._ But he had demons he needed to fight off before any of that could happen. He wanted more than just these fleeting moments with Stiles. He wanted to take him out to dinner, and to the movies, and be able to text him and ask him how his day was and do all the other cute shit normal couples did.

 

But Derek had never been in a normal relationship. Hell, Derek had never been in a _real_ relationship. One where both parties actually gave a shit about the other, one where it was about more than just sex. It seemed that’s what it was turning into with Stiles, though. More and more it seemed the boy resented him, but no matter what he kept coming back. It made Derek deliriously happy, but also extremely guilty.

 

He wanted to keep Stiles. Stiles kept him happy, kept him sane. He could be a total sarcastic ass sometimes, but so could Derek. But underneath the full-of-sass, witty exterior, was a person that Derek couldn’t help but start to fall for. It was rare that Stiles let his guard down; usually it was when he was laying sated on his bed, because of Derek, wrapped in Derek’s arms. In these rare moments he told of his mother, how much he missed her, of his father and how much it hurt him to see him alone and how he wished he didn’t have to lie to him all the time, about his old panic attacks, and his constant fear that they’d come back. He’d talk about his friends, Scott mostly which kind of makes Derek just a little jealous, and how _goddamn much_ he wishes he could be first line for lacrosse, and the future and college and how much it terrifies him (and the thought of Stiles leaving has Derek just as terrified). Derek wished he could lie there and listen to Stiles all night every night, but he knew doing so would only accelerate the already growing feelings he had. Derek learned his lesson long ago, bad things happen when Derek Hale falls in love.

 

When Stiles was open and honest, Derek couldn’t help but to be too. He told Stiles more than he’d ever told anyone. He talked about what it was like before, admitted he missed being part of a bustling, happy family and pack. He told Stiles stories about how Peter used to be, which was always a sad ordeal for Derek because he missed _that_ Peter. Stiles asked about Laura a lot, and though it hurt to talk about her at first it got easier after a while. In a way, Derek wanted someone else to have memories of her, even if they were only stories. His favorite stories to tell were ones from his and Laura’s time in New York City. There’s a particular story about a drag-queen werewolf that made Stiles laugh so hard Derek couldn’t help but laugh along with him. He was _laughing_ now, and it was all thanks to Stiles.

 

But the one thing Derek had yet to tell Stiles about was Kate. How did you tell the person you wanted to have a future with that your first and only relationship was all a hoax and ended in the death of almost your entire family? How could he explain that the reason he never let Stiles touch him back was because of something that happened almost seven years ago? That he could barely touch _himself_ for the longest time because of her. His brain correlated sex with Kate, and Kate was correlated with hatred, guilt, and self-loathing. Kate was also correlated with torture as of late, but there were some burdens he would not make Stiles bear along with him.

 

As time wore on, the correlations faded. Faded, but did not disappear, thanks to none other than Stiles. Now seemed like the best time to drop the Kate bomb on him. He found himself _wanting_ to be touched by another person, as long as it was Stiles, and that was not something he had wanted in a very long time. He knew he could get through this, that _they_ could get Derek through this together.

 

* * *

 

Stiles had gotten a text in his last class from Derek.

 

**Hey, can I come over after school?**

Which, weird, because normally Derek would either pop up at his window or inside his room or call him on very short notice to inform him he was coming over. Very rarely did he _ask._ Stiles typed a response as quickly as he could without being obvious about it to the teacher.

 

**Yeah, sure…what’s up?**

**I just have to talk to you about something.**

Oh, god, the “we need to talk” was never good. Maybe this was it; Derek was breaking off whatever it was they had going on. The thought kind of made him a little sick, but he could handle it. But before any of this was over, he was getting some answers from Derek.

 

The last bell rang and Stiles quickly made his way to his jeep, speeding home. He threw his keys on the counter and his backpack onto the floor when he walked through the door and made his way up the stairs. To no ones surprise, Derek was sitting on the end of his bed, looking like he was seriously contemplating something.

 

“Well, if you’re gonna break this off, just do it. Make it quick and clean, I’m a big boy I can handle it,” Stiles said quickly. Derek’s head shot up, his eyes coming to meet Stiles’ at the sound of Stiles’ voice.

 

“I didn’t come here to break things off,” He said quietly. “I came here to talk to you.”

 

“Okay, well usually the whole ‘we need to talk’ is synonymous with breaking up. But seeing as we’re not really together, I guess we technically can’t break up. I guess I should be happy that you’re even giving me closure, huh, I mean - ”

 

“Stiles, I am _not_ ending things,” Derek growled, cutting him off. “It’s just…there’s some things I need you to know about me. So just please sit down and listen.”

 

Derek took a deep breath, and refused to meet Stiles’ eyes.

 

“I can sense it, how much I hurt you, when…after we do things and I won’t let you touch me - ”

 

_Oh great, here come the excuses._

“- and I am sorry. So, _so_ sorry. If it’s any consolation, just know that I _want_ you to, god do I want you to touch me, Stiles. Thinking about you touching me is honestly one of the only things I can get off to anymore,” Derek said, cheeks flushing pink.

 

Stiles choked a little, and he had to fight down how much that turned him on because: serious conversation here.

 

“Then why do you never let me?”

 

“Do you remember Kate Argent, Allison’s aunt?”

 

Stiles nodded, “Of course. She was the crazy bitch who burned down your house and killed your family. And then came back to Beacon Hills to try to kill you again. Definitely remember her. What does she have to do with any of this?”

 

“Before she killed my family, we were…together.”

 

Stiles didn’t mean to, but he gasped at that.

 

“Just, just let me explain okay? I was sixteen Stiles, _sixteen_. She came off so perfect and witty and fun and she crashed into my life and nothing was the same. This beautiful, older woman wanted _me_ , the gangly quiet kid. She knew about us, the wolves, too. She kept playing it off like we were in some sort of star-crossed lovers scenario. I was an absolute idiot, and I thought I was in love. She seduced me and lied to me and I believed every goddamn word she said. My instincts were screaming at me the whole time, trying to fight against my affections, but I ignored them. And she was the last person, the only person, to ever touch me like that, the only person I was ever in some sort of semblance of a relationship with. And look what happened. She killed my family. _Burned them alive._ Got through to them because of me, because I was stupid and young and naïve and I let her in. I know it’s irrational, it’s so irrational. But in my fucked up brain, being with someone and someone other than myself bringing me pleasure is synonymous with Kate, and any thought of Kate brings back guilt and pain, both mental and physical, and I’m trying Stiles, because I want this, I want _us_ and I’m sorry I’m so sorry.” By the end of his rant Derek was in hysterics, gasping and shaking and looking so, so unsure. The longer he’d talked the faster his words had gotten.

 

Stiles didn’t know what else to do, so he just wrapped his arms around Derek and pulled him as close as physically possible, tucking Derek’s head under his chin. It was a lot of information to take in, but Stiles could handle it. After some time, Derek calmed down and pulled back, finally looking Stiles in the eye.

 

“I’ve never told anyone that. Ever. Not even Laura.”

 

“I won’t tell anyone,” Stiles promised.

 

“It’s not even that, Stiles. I wanted you to know okay? Because it’s part of my past and you deserve to know why I am the way I am. I want to work on this, okay? I want to be a couple, and I want you to be able to do for me what I do for you. And not just because you want it, in case you can’t tell I get seriously hard any time we do things, I definitely want it, too. I can’t promise you that I’ll be able to get through this. But I want to try, okay?”

 

Stiles nodded, if Derek was willing to try then Stiles was absolutely willing as well.

 

Derek stayed for a while, curled up next to Stiles on his bed, but when his dad’s cruiser pulled into the driveway, Derek took that as his cue to leave.

He gave Stiles a soft kiss and a fervently murmured “Thank you” before heading towards the window.

 

“Hey, Derek?” Stiles began. Derek paused, halfway through opening the window and looked back, a question in his eyes. “It wasn’t your fault, you know.”

 

Derek started at that, turning to face Stiles with wide eyes.

 

“I know you don’t believe it but it’s true. And I’ll remind you, every day if I have to, until you do believe it.”

 

* * *

 

Stiles got a text that following Friday from Derek that read.

**Want to come over to my place tonight at like 6:30? I’ll make you dinner and then we can watch a movie or something. If you want…tell your dad you’re staying at Scott’s tonight. It’s up to you.**

 

He quickly replied with a text that basically said “hell yes to all of it” and gnawed at his lip nervously. He’d never been to Derek’s apartment before. He’d only had it for a little while, sure, but Isaac was the only one that had been to the apartment, and that’s because he lived there with Derek. He also sent a text to his dad saying he’d be with Scott when he got home from work that night, and a text to Scott asking for cover. Scott totally owed him anyways.

 

* * *

 

There was a knock on the door at precisely 6:30, Derek could smell the nervousness rolling off Stiles in waves, even through the door, but when he flung the door open Stiles greeted him with a grin and came inside at Derek’s gesture.

 

He looked around before asking, “Where’s Isaac tonight?”

 

“With Scott,” Derek said, leading Stiles to the kitchen table and he couldn’t help but smile at Stiles’ always-excited reaction to food. “I wanted some time alone tonight.”

 

Dinner was peaceful but definitely enjoyable. Derek had been worried that Stiles would look at him and treat him differently after his confession the other night. If anything, Stiles’ mood had improved. He was less tense around Derek. He was glad that Stiles wasn’t judging or pitying him, he didn’t tell Stiles about his past to gain his pity.

 

After dinner Derek let Stiles pick out a movie (Stiles absolutely freaked when he saw that Derek owned a copy of _The Avengers_ and popped it in immediately). It was nice; sitting on the couch with Stiles nestled up against him, a warm, constant heat. Stiles made comments here and there throughout the movie (“Okay Loki’s totally evil but totally hot, admit it.” “Cap and Tony are so gay for each other it’s not even funny. It’s worse in the comics, you have no idea.”) and eventually, even though the movie _was_ one of his favorites, he ended up watching Stiles instead. Stiles caught on quickly and turned to face Derek, a blush spreading across his cheeks and down his neck. Derek couldn’t take it anymore. With a click of the remote he shut the TV off, and with the press of his lips, he shut Stiles’ protests off.

 

Derek loved kissing Stiles. Stiles was always eager and easily impressed,  he was tentative to take the lead, but once he’d gotten the hang of the whole make out thing, he never failed to surprise Derek. Stiles slipped his tongue into Derek’s mouth, always hesitant at first, but once Derek encouraged him he licked his way in and explored in ways that always left Derek a little breathless. They kissed and kissed and things went from tentative and sweet to wet and desperate and _hot._ Derek should’ve known that Stiles didn’t have a mouth like that for nothing. He had been inexperienced at first, but damn had he learned quickly. And if his mouth could get Derek hornier than he’d been in a long time with just some kissing, he didn’t even want to know what Stiles could achieve with it wrapped around his – _oh_ – yep, Derek was hard.

 

Derek broke the kiss and with a quick inhale and glance down at Stiles’ tented pants he could tell that Stiles was just as hard as he was. “Do you want to move this to my room?” Derek panted.

 

“God, _fuck yes._ ” Stiles replied, and was on him once more. Derek pulled Stiles on to him so he was straddling his lap and then gripped his legs as he stood up off the couch. Taking the hint, Stiles wrapped his legs around Derek’s waist, refusing to break the kiss. Which turned out to be problematic when Derek missed his doorway and bumped into a wall. Stiles just laughed and went to work on Derek’s jaw and neck so that Derek could actually see where he’s going. Kicking the door shut behind him he dropped Stiles to his bed and took his shirt off in one easy movement. Stiles fumbled a little to get rid of his shirt and Derek could help but smile at that.

 

 _This is going to be the easy part of the night_ Derek thought, unbuttoning Stiles jeans and pulling them off along with his boxers, careful of Stiles’ raging hard-on. It was always easy for Derek to do things to Stiles. Derek took off his own pants, but left his boxers on. He could see the disappointment in Stiles eyes but he moved to cover Stiles’ body with his own and whispered in his ear.

 

“You’re going to have to slow down for me, okay? I don’t want to make you wait for me. I want to make you come first.” Stiles nodded and gasped as Derek spit on his hand and wrapped it around Stiles’ cock. He gave it a few tugs as he sucked kisses down Stiles’ body. He paused when he reached where he knew Stiles wanted his mouth most, watching Stiles watch him, chest heaving in anticipation. Eyes meeting, he suckled the head into his mouth and Stiles immediately threw his head back and cried out, Derek hummed around his cock, pleased with his lover’s reaction, which only made Stiles moan louder. He placed his free arm across Stiles’ hips to keep him from bucking up into his mouth. He knew if frustrated Stiles, but not as much as it turned him on. Derek took him in deeper and Stiles grasped for the arm thrown across his hips. His hand moved along the part of Stiles’ cock that wouldn’t quite fit in his mouth as he bobbed and worked his tongue just the way Stiles liked it, Stiles making all these noises that Derek absolutely loved. He was kept hard and aching off of Stiles’ moans of pleasure alone.

 

“D-Derek,” Stiles stuttered in an attempt to warn Derek that he was close, Derek always knew anyway. He could hear Stiles’ heart beat even faster and harder and he felt as all his muscles tensed up before he came with a shout of Derek’s name, shooting into the back of his throat. Derek sucked him through his orgasm and when Stiles was done he pulled off with a pop.

 

Stiles went boneless into the bed, breathing ragged and Derek moved up slowly to lie beside him, resting a hand on Stiles’ chest. After a moment he looked over at Derek and asked, “Do you still want to do this? Because I definitely want to do this, but only if you haven’t changed your mind.”

 

“Yeah,” Derek was breathless. He was all kinds of nervous, but kind of excited, and definitely still aroused. “Yeah, I still want to do this.”

 

“Okay,” Stiles nodded happily. “What do you want me to do? And anything that might trigger the memories, just let me know the second that something doesn’t feel right, okay?”

 

Derek nodded, “Just your hands tonight, okay? And I need to be able to see you because it’ll remind me that I’m with you and not her. Uh don’t…no mouths on my stomach. It’s something she used to do all the time, and yeah.”

 

Stiles should think that Derek is crazy, he should want to get the hell out of this as fast as possible but he just nodded and moved to take off Derek’s boxers as Derek shifted to lay on his back. Derek lifted his hips to help and opened his bedside drawer, rummaging through and deciding on the bottle of water-based lube seeing as there was no need to go all out for just a handjob and it was a hell of a lot less messy.

 

He heard Stiles try to hide a gasp as the boxers slipped down and off his legs and when he looked back up to hand Stiles the bottle he saw that his eyes were trained on Derek’s cock which twitched at all the attention.

 

“I, uh, just yeah wow okay.” Stiles said moving to lie on his side next to Derek, informing Derek to stay on his back. Derek handed over the bottle of lube and Stiles poured a decent amount into his hand, capping it and placing it on the bedside table with his other hand. He searched Derek’s eyes one last time and he must’ve been reassured with what he found there because he reached forward to wrap his hand tentatively around Derek’s dick, stroking once, slowly, his eyes never leaving Derek’s.

 

And _oh_ god it felt good to have someone else touch him again, but not just anyone else, Stiles. After Kate Derek had tried with other people, but always got too freaked out and bailed the second he was touched. But this was different. Confidence boosted when Derek didn’t immediately pull away, Stiles began to move his hand steadily up and down the length of Derek’s cock, eyes never leaving his face.

 

The feeling was the same, but the sensation of Stiles’ hand was so very different than Kate’s. Stiles’ hand was big and warm, firm yet gentle. Definitely rougher than a woman’s hand but it was the difference that reminded Derek of who he was with, and it was reassurance. Stiles moved forward carefully, continuing his strokes at a little of a faster pace, urged on by Derek’s moans of pleasure. Stiles’ thumb slipped across his slit which made Derek arch into the touch. Derek opened his eyes on irregular intervals, any time an uncomfortable feeling would start to creep in, and was relieved each time when he met amber eyes and freckles and moles.

 

“Is this okay, is this good?” Stiles asked breathily and Derek just nodded frantically, groaning when Stiles twisted his wrist. He knew Stiles had never done this to anyone else before, but he definitely knew what he was doing when it came to his hands. His eyes flashed red for only a second and his fangs were fighting their way to the surface but he pushed both back, remembering how much Kate hated when he shifted even just a little bit in bed.

 

He felt Stiles’ lips at his ears, “Relax Derek, let go. If you need to wolf out, then wolf out. I’ve seen it all already, it really doesn’t freak me out, I promise.” Derek nodded, but the moment had passed. But those words were what really allowed him to let go.

 

To his own surprise Derek began to roll his hips into Stiles’ hand, and god if he’d only known that his brain and his body would let him feel this way again because of Stiles then he would’ve let him reciprocate a long time ago. He grew desperate, and sensing it, Stiles began to pump him faster. He was close to the edge, so close, and the friction and the heat and the movement was all _so good_ but in the end it was words that sent him over the edge.

 

Stiles stroked as Derek bucked his hips, erratically now, and Stiles placed his free hand on Derek’s cheek, urging him to look him in the eyes.

 

“Kate is your past,” Stiles whispered. “But I will be your future.”

 

The words made him want to laugh and cry at the same time, but his body chose coming as the best reaction to Stiles’ proclamation. He cried out, arching up off the bed shooting come all over his stomach and Stiles’ hand. Stiles worked him down gently until Derek was done and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

 

When Stiles almost immediately got up, Derek panicked for a moment, reminded of the way Kate had always left him right afterwards as well. But Stiles just made his way to the Jack and Jill bathroom that Derek shared with Isaac. Derek heard him rummaging around and then the tap running. Stiles returned with a wet washcloth in hand and when he was done with cleanup he chucked it across the room and into the laundry basket then curled up next to Derek, who pulled the blankets over both of them.

 

They kissed languidly for a while Stiles talking low and excited about how happy he was that he could do this for Derek. There were plenty of talks of “next times” and future dates, and when Derek blushed and asked if he was allowed to text Stiles now any time he wanted Stiles just laughed and said “of course” like it was the most obvious answer in the world. They were together now, officially together. Stiles belonged to Derek and Derek belonged to Stiles. It was amazing to think that, to say it. As they both eventually drifted to sleep, Stiles’ words rang in Derek’s ears. They made his chest feel light and brought about a nervous fluttering in his stomach.

 

_I will be your future._

**Author's Note:**

> The Derek/Kate situation and how it affects him is always sticky because we still don't know too much about everything that went down between them, I hope we'll get some more info about it eventually.
> 
> If you want to be friends/say hi/drop me sterek prompts feel free to drop by my teen wolf/writing [tumblr](http://www.alphamcbootycall.tumblr.com)


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